Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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