im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
