omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
