In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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