I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
