This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
