you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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