Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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