You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
