remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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