I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
