Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize