We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Houston, we have a blender
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize