Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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