Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
pop tarts are not kleenex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
