why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
