omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
