I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no, he came in my armpit
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
