glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
