you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
