So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
