I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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