Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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