Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
