I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize