it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
