girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
