I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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