forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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