I can tuck mytits in my pants
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
