Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize