Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just forgot I was standing up.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize