I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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