Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
