you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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