either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
