I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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