wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
