Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
