Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
