Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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