I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
