Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
