how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
