hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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