Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Randomize
