My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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