I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
