Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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