Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
