Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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