Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
