lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
