I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Less talking, more tequila
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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