y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
