dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
