i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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