ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
