We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize