I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
