Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
