it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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