My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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