Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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