YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
