R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
