How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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