Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
