At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
