Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
