Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
