Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
