The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do herpes really smell.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
